The Aftermath

>> Thursday, April 12, 2007

It would be silly not to move on, but I have to admit, my little misadventure last week has started to turn feelings of hurt into hate.

Last night I felt ill just by being around the office. I had to get out. So I took off, on foot, and an hour later I found myself at the mall, drenched in sweat. I gathered myself in the washroom before retreating to my favorite spot at the coffee shop where the kind people (kabayans) allowed me in, despite the fact that they were already doing the closing ceremonies. They probably noticed my lost-and-confused look so they provided me the sanctuary I needed. The waiter didn’t even bother giving me the menu. He just asked me "the usual?" and to which I nodded in answer before the question even made sense to me. When it did, he was already at the counter mindlessly summoning the espresso factory. I felt glad to have finally found a place that served me "the usual"—a feat that took more than two dozen consecutive cups of White Café Mocha Grande before they labeled me as one of their predictable patrons (the last time I had "the usual" was at Basti's Brew in Davao).

"Bakit ka mag-isa sir?" the waiter who looked like his name was Noel or Nestor or Hernani asked when he served my coffee. Sometimes, people don't know the polite way to say "what a lonely life you have". But he can't corner me. "I'm always alone when I come here," was my lame retort. Noel/Nestor/Hernani excused himself. He probably didn’t want to play bartender to the bummed out drinker.

I sipped my coffee faster than usual. They cut off the music, there was no time to read a book, and as the last customer, I got a lot of "hurry up"-glances from the crew. What a sad night, I thought. I was ready to just sulk in the coffee shop chair and wallow in my misery. I was ready to suffocate with self-pity. I paid 18 Qatar Riyals to do just that. Then, I started to feel impatient. I started to think random things and how I hate being alone in the coffee shop, or how I hate being there in the first place. I went there because I couldn’t stand the office. I couldn’t stand the office because Arabs kept coming in and out. Then just like that, it occurred to me, I hate Arabs.

One Arab man attacked me and he turned me into a racist. They could all be the same underneath the white clothes—all violent, harmful and camera-grabbing men.

I hope this is just a phase. I don't want to be the racist in a place where I'm part of the minority.

I took a taxi home. No surprise, the driver is Indian. It's becoming a habit. I should stop it soon.

I arrived at the office and started writing this post while the Chinese talked loudly to each other. The Chinese shout when they talk, even if they're just millimeters apart. It seems to me that the Chinese either have really bad hearing, have no respect for other's ears, or they simply have cockroaches crawling up their asses that every so often they feel the urge to scream.

Maybe I'm just being overly sensitive. It's because I'm a Filipino. See, even to myself, I'm a racist. It freaks me OUT

5 responses:

HRHMax 12 April, 2007  

Hang in there, Hon. I think it's just a phase. Kinda like how one becomes a jumpy, nervous driver for a short time after being in a car accident, you know? (maybe that's just me? I am DWA after all. - Driving While Asian)

Seriously though, you never really got a chance to react to what happened. You did get attacked after all. Let yourself freak out a couple times, then you'll find moving on will be easier. You'll get used to it again. Not to say you shouldn't let your guard down, especially in a place where you are part of the minority and you are flying solo. (Trust me, I've been doing it a while.)

I agree completely about the Chinese speaking volume!!! Ivan always used to complain how his dad is always yelling, even when he's not. Mandarin is apparently the dialect where this is most evident. Maybe you should start wearing headphones and pretend to be deaf? That should give their lungs some exercise. hehehe.

Anonymous 13 April, 2007  

"Always learn to write your hurts in the sand where winds of forgiveness can blow them away, & to carve your blessings in stone where no wind can ever erase them..." -adapted

I know it's not that easy for i've felt the same way.. I was a workin student then-3 years

Parang gusto kong sumabog that time and said secretly "kabalos lang ko sa inyo sir.." bad ko noh? But, that is!!! Somehow, those things helped me a lot.

'ge lang jap, someday you'll see... basta!!! no matter what, stay strong... no matter what...

i hrdly
hv 2spek
my words
4u 2know
juz what m sayin..

ur special
& i want 2
axur u
no matr
wer u go,

whom ul meet &
watevr u do..

Davids Salon brings
out the best for you...aja!!!

ingatz lagi apo... :-*

Jinoe 13 April, 2007  

I dont know what it's like being a minority in another country. I guess that's one reason why I dont aggressively seek for a job abroad. Not yet.

Anonymous 14 April, 2007  

anwar: galing mo jap magsulat!!!

Jap 15 April, 2007  

MAX>> It would be easier with a bottle of Tequilla. I now regret the times I passed on the chance to get wasted when it was so easy back in PI to grab booze at a convenience store. I need to puke out all my worries! LoL

You're right, it is a bit like driving after an accident--the only other time you check ALL the mirrors before stepping on the gas.

Nice to know that I'm not the only one getting ear-f*ck#d by the Chinese. I wonder why they still need firecrackers on New Years when all they need to do is just talk at the stroke of midnight. hehehe

ANONYMOUS LOLA SM>> Thank you for your words of wisdom =)

JINOE>> If I had agreesively sought for this job, I wouldn't be reacting this way. I didn't want to leave the country but I'm just fulfilling a destiny before I can gain total control of my life. Hehehe That's why you should never leave the country except if it's a matter of life and death. Nothing beats being the King in your own backyard no matter how gross the litter.

ANWAR>> Assalamu Alaikum! What a nice surprise! Thanks for dropping by and I hope it becomes a habit, inshalla =) Miss you bro especially the Durian you bring to the office hehehe

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