Hally Pott and Other Chinese Tales

Last night, the somehow new Chinese guy, Yang, called my attention. He wanted to show me some pictures on the Internet. I looked at his monitor because if I refused he would eventually twist my neck anyway and won't stop until my eyeballs were firmly aimed on the screen. He showed me a picture of Yao Ming and asked me if I know the guy, I mean, who doesn't, right? Yao Ming was in mid-air. The basketball that he held touched the ring while his balls found a warm spot on another player's face. Before I knew it, Yang was already pointing at random pictures and asking me if I know "Ren" (Rain) or "Hally Pott" (Harry Potter). I knew it could take forever so I went up to my room and slept, escaping his wrath. Little did I know, the Chinese curse was far from over.

For Being Thoughtful, I Got a Scolding

I woke up with a throbbing headache and a fever. I took Panadol and still went to work because it's payday. Around 10AM, the boss' wife (Chinese, just so you know) arrived. I greeted her with a wide smile because I was excited to hear her praises for a job well done on the restaurant menu she had asked me to lay out. Last night, I thought it would be nice to give the finished menu to her husband (my boss) so she could use it right away. Then, she asked for the menu. My smile turned from genuine-glee to I'm-f*ck#d. I realized that the boss probably forgot to hand her the menu, and it's probably sitting in his car somewhere in the desert, probably at the northern tip of Qatar!

Before I could say "I'm sorry", she already had a head start on a scolding. Mild but still on the totally-pissed level. She let me go with a stern warning. I took another Panadol.

For Being Helpful, I Got an Ultimatum

By noon, more Chinese came. Both the daily ration of Chinese buffet leftovers and the business people guests. I don't eat the food they deliver anymore. Like an expert on mahjong tiles, I already know what the lunchbox holds just by feeling the cover.

Abdul (Chinese, just so you know) asked if he could have some documents printed. I'm always willing to help Abdul because he's kind and generous, that is, if he's not busy and cranky. Today he had a mix of all four adjectives. Anyway, he handed me a flash disk and I told him "you already know that my computer is allergic to flash disks", because for some reason my PC cannot read the g*dd*mn things.

I found a solution for him though. Even if he didn't get to use my computer, I showed him how to print from his station using the network printer.

Glad that was over...(one)...(two)...(three), Not! Soon, the boss called me in to his office where he was just wrapping up a meeting with the Chinese. They all looked at me like they already knew what the boss was going to say. "Is there a problem with your computer?" the big guy asked.

I looked at Abdul because I was certain he had something to do with this, "there isn't a probleh.."
"Change it." the boss snapped.

I tried to argue, but the boss wouldn't let me win, especially not in front of his guests. So I just surrendered. He gave me until the weekend to change the computer to the "best" one in the office. What he really meant was change it to one that does not have a flash-disk allergy.

For Being Friendly, I Got a Youtube-News-WTF-Factor-Worthy Video

Finally, my day was ending with no more troubles. Then the guys (Chinese, just so you know) from the massage clinic arrived: Yang, the somehow new Chinese guy and Wang, the really new Chinese guy.

Wang installed a new chat program on my computer that automatically translates English to Chinese and back again while you chat. Coolness. For the first time since he arrived a month ago, I got to hear Wang's thoughts on soccer, music and more soccer which made me glad that it took him a month before he found a way to bore me. But he's sweet because he said that he is thankful that I became his friend.

And for that, he handed me a VCD, and told me to play it on my computer. Lo and behold, it's Wang's personal photo-video album--set to music, featuring pan flute versions of John Lennon's Imagine and Elton John's Sacrifice, the kind of musical scoring you can only hear in Pinoy porn.

At first I was amused to see myself in one of the photos. But after three minutes, I looked at the time left and gasped when I saw the total running time: 21:31!

Incidentally, and I'm not making this up, I was going through Rotten Tomatoes' Worst of the Worst Movie List, before Wang tortured me, only to find myself watching the most dragging video I have ever seen. Each picture stayed there for 6 seconds before slowly dissolving into another picture. It would help if the pictures were interesting. But most of the pictures were self portraits of the artiste in different downloaded frames (name of source website included on the frame).

It took around five songs (from out of nowhere, one was the theme from "Chariots of Fire") to complete the run of photos in his collection.

It was clear right then and there that I was under the Chinese Ju-on. Or maybe it was Chinese Karma for poking fun at Hally Pott and Ren.

So, as punishment, I sat through the whole 21 minutes and 31 seconds, yawning discreetly, humming through Sacrifice, and crossing my fingers wishing that such day will never happen again.