Ba De Ya

>> Monday, September 10, 2007

I remember watching When the Wind Blows when I was younger and I remember imagining how peaceful and quiet the world can become after a nuclear bomb explosion--total destruction equals peace. Last month was crazy and I think it's all downhill from here. And while I struggle to fill this blank space on my screen, I say to myself that this is not a block but a sense of peace (or emptiness) and surely, I can write about that.

I remember November last year when I started this blog. We were trying a new coffee shop called Barista and I took a picture of Yeric and Ezer using my then new Walkman phone and bragged how I've instantly uploaded the photo to my blog. It was one of the last few nights I'd spend with them before leaving for Qatar and it was the start of Like Clockwork Orange.

I remember quitting smoking after breaking up with my lover. I figured that if I was going to quit one bad habit, I might as well quit smoking too. And eating pork. And taking sugar. I patched things up with my lover not long after the breakup but it was only a month ago, after effortlessly avoiding cigarettes for almost two years, that I started smoking again.

I remember my short-term plans and how my future seemed sad but bright at the same time. It's almost a year now and the bright part has somehow faded. I fear that I may have wasted a whole year for nothing--not even the simplest of targets achieved.

I remember thinking a few nights ago that maybe I am wrong--that there is no plan, there is no destiny, that life is, unfortunately, random and all of us are just waiting to win the lottery; while those who have already won might be so arrogant as to say that it is all their hard work and not luck.

I remember now that Jayclops commented in my last post that "(Office politics) sounds familiar". After he confirmed that he wasn't talking about himself, I began to think that maybe I'm repeating myself. My whole life is a déjà vu, constantly looping like an overused character in one too many Stephen King novels.

I remember realizing last night before going to sleep, that I don't have one thing that I am very good at.

I remember wanting to write a poem about my dreams and how I think these will never happen because maybe I'm part of the other half of the world's population that will serve as the example--the sin, the ugly, the lesson to be learned.

I remember how me and my friends loved to sing in videoke bars (or was it just me) and somebody may or may not sing one of the videoke anthems, Earth, Wind and Fire's September, and depending on our mood we'd either love or hate both the song and the guy who did the number.

I remember just now that I'm supposed to make up a moving excuse for not posting for so long when the truth is I was doing back to back marathons of Six Feet Under and Weeds.

I'll save some of my memories for future posts or for when the time comes for an inevitable montage like the my-whole-life-flashed-before-me kind of thing.

Ba De Ya, it's September, do you remember?OUT

20 responses:

pablo 11 September, 2007  

welcome to the club man! jack of all trades, master of none. that's us. Yellow shits wading to the ebb of the tides.

Sartre would have wept.

Mom 11 September, 2007  

Jaja, don't feel discouraged and disappointed. You have to move on, no regrets.. you are just starting to taste the spice of life, keep on going until you find the right chemistry and get good result and happy ending. Life is not always a fairytale but it can be based on fairytales. Take your Past and present as challenges for your future and you will find what you are searching for - SUCCESS! As long as you are a man of character, a man with principle you will always be in the right path. If someone hates your guts, that's great, because your guts is a threat to him. Jaja you are a gifted young man, you never knew that you have helped so many who are close to you and that includes me..you have helped me in my workload even we are miles away. "Jack of All Trades" count me in. I am supposed to be a nurse and nutritionist by profession but i ended up with administration and managerial works and that includes accounting (which i got 75 grades during my college days) Yes, we should know all the trades instead of being stack up with nothing at all. It's a revolutionary. EMPTINESS, or "haven't achieved anything" are common language items of Overseas Foreign Workers (OFW). That's normal because even until today, I have that syndrome. CHEER UP JAJA, i am always there for you ,,, in your ups and down. i love you. God bless you.

Jap 11 September, 2007  

PABLO, thanks for the warm welcome, it's nice to be part of a support group...now let's blow up a building or something.

It's sad ey? I need pot.
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MOM, thanks for the inspiration. Maybe Pablo and I can join your support group ehehhe

I am fine, Mom. Just one of those days. I'm glad to know though that 'emptiness' is but a normal feeling hehehe

Thanks for taking time to comment. Love you, mom =)

lee 11 September, 2007  

"welcome to the club man! jack of all trades, master of none. that's us. Yellow shits wading to the ebb of the tides. "


^^^ what he said. =]

Jap 11 September, 2007  

LEE, how original =)

Anonymous 13 September, 2007  

vantolin:

this may sound so stupid...

"Oo, aaminin ko. Sila ay mga yakal, lawaan, apitong, at narra. At kami ay saging lang. Pero maghanap kayo ng puno sa buong Pilipinas. Saging lang ang may puso. SAGING LANG ANG MAY PUSO!"

- Mark Lapid in Apoy Sa Dibdib Ng Samar

in short... kung unsa man na imong ginahunahuna just follow ur heart.
grr... a copycat of a copycat. piracy rules! hehhe

Anonymous 14 September, 2007  

derf:
ja, naunahan ko sa mark lapid line...hehehe...

CHEER UP!!!

boredmate 14 September, 2007  

this is sooo original!!!!

welcome to the club... har har!!!

that's quite a thought jap -- all the MAYBEs and REMEMBERs , happens all the time...

god bless dude!!! it's september!!!

Anonymous 14 September, 2007  

yeryer

Did Mark Lapid win an award for that unforgetable line?

Jap 15 September, 2007  

VANTOLIN, it would have worked better if I didn't know the line, pero intro pa lang getsing na naku hehehe thanks for putting a smile on my face though =)
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DERF, ok lang maunahan ka, pwede gihapon ka ka-una sa header...and THAT will cheer me up hehehe
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Thanks, BOREDMATE =)
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YERYER, are you asking me about Philippine showbiz news? hehehe I haven't heard of Mark Lapid winning an award. I've never heard of Mark Lapid much.

Meloi 15 September, 2007  

i think everybody experience that transition: from being fruitful to fruitless. relax, you're not alone.

Odette 16 September, 2007  

Apo... Chill out!!! Teaheeeeeeeeeeee... Maybe it's too late to post comment in here but... La lang pud... Sa life, we really can't tell... Just go w/ the flow... =)

Sa harden nagmula ang iyong buhay... Piliting tawanan ang problema, chooey choco o magsaya..pagkatapos ng unos, ligaya ang Dulot...

'wag mag-alala, manalig ka, lagi kang may kasama, may kaibigan ka...

Ako si Blink...eheee....ay si lola pala...ehehee he he he


Love yah apo!!! Mmwah mmwah mmwah Mmmmmmmmmmwah

chabiatch 16 September, 2007  

oh japitoy is it that time of the year again?hehe. i understand these pensive blogs come with age ehem, but to question your abilities?you know, i know, hell everybody knows how gifted you are, and for a time there in durian land you actually applied yourself.my 2 pitiful cents: you are good no scratch that EXCELLENT at being JAP!and that is saying a lot.bow.

chabiatch 16 September, 2007  

oh how i miss karaoke i know you probably meant ur karaoke days with van & d guys but you have to admit no one beats us in karaoke!when will we commence our long-awaited "US" duet?!i sing the mary j. blige part of course and natch you are the UK Queen George Michael.pato ta dayon a!i MISS YOU!

Jap 16 September, 2007  

MELOI, I don't want it to be a transition, pwede phase na lang? hehehe
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LOLA ODETTE, salamat sa mga pangaral =)
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CHABIATCH, thanks, I know I can count on you to do a Kelly Preston when I'm feeling like a just-fired Jerry Maguire hehehe

Oh, but I do miss karaoke with you too bitch. Who else could belt Through the Fire better than you? BTW, it's "AS" hehehe don't tell me those Bisaya guys grew on you hahaha and yes, we have to sing that next time kag pato to the max =) miss you bitch! mwah!

chabiatch 17 September, 2007  

Pakshyet!what a faux pas!haha it is "AS"! i tell you the bisaya guys did more damage than they should!wahaha MISS YOU SO MUCH Bitch!i'm sure glad we had that gabfest over d phone last wk!pato ta a!

Gypsy 18 September, 2007  

I dont believe there's nothing that you are good at...this blog proves it. You write well. :)

intsik 22 September, 2007  

dear, we all have our down-and-out moments. and whenever we feel that way, there is no other way but to go up and get into the circulation again.

there's no telling what the future holds for us. we can only enjoy our everyday life and see meaning to it (even if the whole day was just meant for sleeping).

Jap 18 October, 2007  

Thanks, Joe. September isn't a good month for me. I'm glad we have 11 other months to be happy about =)

TUBICLE

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Thirtysomething educator who holds the secret to the meaning of life. =P

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