Charge Me With DUI

>> Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Thursday night. I'm down to my last hundred and last few ounces of sanity. Self-proclaimed fag hag Johanna called; said a girlfriend is celebrating her birthday at Qube and they need a bodyguard. I'm thinking Kevin Costner and she's thinking Jap. It didn't take long to persuade me. I'm broke but I've got a quarter bottle of cheap vodka sitting in my closet. I told Johanna I'll meet them at the club after I pre-party in my room.

Sugar-free Red Bull, 7-Up Free, and bottled water on my table. Not much of a choice. I took two generous shots of vodka 7-up, straight, barely mixed in a paper cup. I was smiling silly as I brushed my teeth and waved goodnight to Khalid. I crisscrossed my way to the bus stop and counted the amused knowing smiles of passersby. I waited for a taxi. I wished a private taxi would pick me up before I wore off my high. And just like a manipulative scene from the Ocean's 11 franchise a private taxi pulls up in front of me almost immediately.

10 minutes and 10 riyals later I'm standing outside Qube trying to figure out the new entrance. Enter through the hotel lobby, a voice from somewhere. I started to walk and caught a glimpse of another lost patron; told him to join me. Tall, chubby, buttoned-up Lebanese picked up my pace and handed me a Red. Thanks, but no. I took out my Lights and as I lit, I saw a tattoo on his arm--a sorry little "F". Nice tattoo, must stand for your name, huh? He misunderstood because he said it means 'I love my mother'. He moved closer and there it was, just below the "F", a faint line of Arabic script. When we got to security check, I unbuttoned F's shirt, told him to loosen up and wished him luck with the girls.

Johanna's troops weren't around yet so I decided to sustain tipsy, headed to the bar and had a beer in less than five minutes. Lights flashed and my smile widened. Who said I was lonely? No one could tell. The girls arrived, I counted four and I greeted happy birthday to two before I got the right one. Dance was their plan and with inhibition fading with each burp, I gladly strutted with them. We danced like a tribe, their big bags--in the middle of our circle--our bonfire. Almost an hour on the dance floor before the girls got drinks. They tabled me like a gigolo and gave me a beer, I'm losing it with each sip.

After another bottle of beer I was already laughing for no reason. Destination: dance floor, again, but I needed more fuel. I went to the bar and asked for Corona Extra. Loud music. Corona Extra. The bartender mouthed some words to confirm my drink. I said yes. I ended up with a big glass of vodka, some other alcohol and cola. Sweet! Back to the girls and go crazy.

Men from all over the world have already invaded my tribe and the girls kept chanting, brushing them off, the men got all the more challenged. This is where I come in, the reason why they asked me to go out with them in the first place--to protect them from men who won't leave Qube without pussy. Instead of pushing them out of our circle, I sexy-danced with each man who tried to score with my girls. They danced with me for a few seconds then moved away and decided to stalk another group instead. Lovely tactic, and everyone in my tribe is safe and happy. Everyone.

Lights on at 2:30 AM. The girls have left a little earlier. I barely made it to a cab, cursed every roundabout on the way home. Puke was threatening with each step to my room. I made it. Stripped, resigned to the spinning room, slept.

I woke up at 4PM, fresh, without the smell of alcohol (the wonders of vodka) and just minor cigarette stench. But I limped all the way to the bathroom. I probably tore a tendon from all the grinding, I didn't feel it while dancing under the influence.OUT

17 responses:

Anonymous 23 October, 2007  

man, you're totally wasted. your story was amusing. reminds me of my aunt's younger days.

HRHMax 23 October, 2007  

Now THAT is a proper drunken night out! Love the recap, Jap. I agree, the wonders of vodka are endless. Hope your groin (aka mystery injury) feels better soon.

Kung ari ka lang di, you'll be the star of the evening, not the bodyguard. Dal-on ta ka sa Rumors Cabaret (with a name like that, you know it's a guaranteed fun time) for non-stop grinding, and with men who will actually grind back!

Jap 24 October, 2007  

MELOI, of all people, why did it have to be your aunt? hehehe

MAXIE, hehehe Rumors Cabaret sounds fun lol but star of the evening? I don't think so hehehe I'd rather do my grinding in a dark corner of the Cabaret, old chum lol =)

Anonymous 25 October, 2007 with the guys trying to pick your girl friends??!!! Now that's original...and hilarious. Just picturing it on my mind....BWAHAHAHAHA!


Annamanila 25 October, 2007  

You had fun Jap and you guarded those female bodies of buddies well too. :) So does it work that way -- pre-party first?

I love the way you wrote this. Unlabored, smooth as though you were enjoying the writing. Galing mo!

I have been meaning to ask you -- did you take up film? Where? My daughter is a film major and still nurtures ambitions to direct "THE FILM" of the season or decade or whatever. She sometimes directs segments for tv as a 'racket.' :)

Jap 25 October, 2007  

CHA, it IS hilarious! You should see the faces of those guys hehehe at first they were like "score! their guy friend likes us" and suddenly "wait a minute, this is getting weird" hehehe

ANNA, thanks for the positive critique =)

I had to pre-party so I won't have to spend so much at the club ;-) But I don't like to drink alcohol alone, that's when it becomes 'a problem' hehehe

I took up MassCom in this small but rockin' college Holy Cross of Davao. But Robert Rodriguez said that you don't need to go to film school to make a film (you gotta read this =), just grab a camera and start shooting.

My friends and I started a biz while in college--a production house (that was the time we stopped calling it a 'racket')--doing ads, music videos, student projects, docus, weddings, funerals etc. We were earning while mastering our craft in the real world. We finished shooting a short film but I had to fly to Qatar so my obra is stuck in the editing room. Basically, that's film school for me, the indie way anyway.

Ambition is great, but she doesn't need a diploma to get to that FILM of the decade. She needs guts, passion, common sense and a little bit of luck. =) Film school would help her a lot on the technical aspect of the film. But for Rober Rodriguez: "You can take writing classes, that's good, but don't bother to go to film school or you'll be making films like everybody else. We want to see your film."

f i l l i b u s t e r o 26 October, 2007  

i'll be waiting here in manila.
i would like to have you as a bodyguard. :p

Jap 28 October, 2007  

fill, hmmmm, taga Davao ako eh ;-)

LEE, =]

lucille 28 October, 2007  

life of a party animal! and the wonders of alcohol. amazing!
now that i think of it, joey has the same role as u--- a bodyguard! and never failed me once.

Jap 28 October, 2007  

LUCILLE, thanks for reading =) Yup, it's unlikely that we PLUs get this role often. Anyway, I haven't heard from Joeiboi for about 2 weeks he alright?

lucille 29 October, 2007  

he's alright japz. just resting sa negros. no inspiration kasi these days. hehehe. i'll tell him to drop by here.

f i l l i b u s t e r o 29 October, 2007  

@jap... ay sayang, :(

Jap 29 October, 2007  

LUCILLE, what?! he's back in Negros? exactly how many vacations does he have in a year? lol =)

fill, chikadora lol =)

Annamanila 02 November, 2007  

Well, the harm has been done. she has taken film and graduated, alas, magna kuno. Ahem. anyway, she's now with solar productions doing commercials and is not exactly happy doing these. She still wants to do films.

Anyway since i have starte don daugh, Her film-thesis has won 3-4 awards including an honorable mention from CCP. ayan. nakapagyabang na ako. masaya na. :)

I think you and robert are right. In the artistic field, a degree is useful but not essential. This is especially true with writing, don't you think?

intsik 03 November, 2007  

hahahaha aunt talaga ah... kadlaw ko todo ah... compare ka sa aunt! hahahaha

whenever i dance with guys in cebu hubs, my dear, they stay... and luckily take home some of them... hahahaha

Jap 11 November, 2007  

ANNA, galing ng hija mo =) that's a great sounding resume already =) I hope though that her career moves will get her closer to that dream of hers, di tulad ko, it seems like I'm moving away from my dream.

JOEIBOI, I'll try that in Cebu soon =) Cyah!

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