Put a Cam in Our Office and We'll Head to the Emmys

>> Sunday, July 1, 2007

Khalid's idea of private talk is speaking to another person alone in a room and in a thousand decibels. "YOU KNOW, THESE EGYPTIANS ARE REALLY BAD!", Khalid said as soon as he settled in his seat inside my office. After his first sentence, I closed the door so nobody can hear us talk although it was really an act of hope.

For almost an hour, we sat there talking in the dark as Khalid had abruptly interrupted my nightly Youtube session with his nightly rant. I thought of suggesting to him about starting his own blog, but I figured he'd have a hard time spelling "www".

Khalid is the King of randomness. Anybody who has said in his profile that he's the kind of person who can talk about anything under the sun can talk to Khalid. He talks so randomly but strings it together in one breath that you start to erase your caffeine high speculation and confirm your schizophrenia diagnosis on him.

For your consideration, dear members of the Jury, presenting exhibit A: a section of the transcript of our conversation:

K: I hate these people, they are not good, they
are bad. You know, my brother-in-law called me this afternoon and they told him
that I was not around. But I was and they did not tell me.


J: Maybe
they didn't see you around and couldn't leave their desk to find you.


K: But they know that I am around because I went with them to pray to the
mosque. They are bad. I don't trust them. But I met with my brother-in-law
because I need to buy things for my parents. Me, I don't think I will marry
soon. Because women, they are the devil. I cannot be left alone with a woman in
a room because I will do something to her. It is the nature of man. And if you
don't do anything to a woman, she will think you are not a man. But my sister is
going to Sudan for a vacation, I'm going to send my parents something special.
Because you know, parents, they are second to Allah. If you disrespect your
parents, you go to hell. If you disrespect your mother, you go to hell. You
know, the mother, you cannot call her by her name, you have to call her mother.
If you call her by her name, you go to hell. This is because she cared for you
for nine months and after you were born, she fed you with her breasts. For two
years you sucked her breasts. Because a mother's breast is better than any
scientific formula because it is from nature, it's natural. And so, it has to be
for two years. But after two years you have to stop sucking your mom's breast.
This act is called...in English it's called....I can't remember it...


I wanted to suggest "perversion" but because the conversation was
starting to sound wrong and I had become uneasy, I tried to change the subject
back to Mustafa.


J: So, do you still talk to him?

K: These
Egyptians, they are all like that. They are bad. Don't you think?


J: Actually, I think that a person can be good or bad regardless of race.
If a Filipino stole from you, I wouldn't want you to assume that all Filipinos
are thieves. If a Sudanese did a bad thing to me, I'm sure you wouldn't want me
to generalize that all you people are like that. So, I think that race doesn't
play a part as to why he is bad.


K: Yes, I know what you mean.
You are kind, and sincere but you are a romantic. The thing is, it's in their
blood. Ok, goodnight, I have to evacuate.


Khalid left the room hurriedly but by 'evacuate', he really meant "to defecate". Hitting two birds with one shit, as it seems.

The next day (yesterday), we had our first organizational meeting. For the first time since I started work here seven months ago, we found all nine staff members cramped in my boss' office. I was excited since I suggested this bit of exercise. Unfortunately, they weren't going to speak in English just for my sake. I was outnumbered. So I pretended to understand anyway until it was my time to speak.

"I'm just happy that we have this meeting. And I'll be looking forward to this once a week so we can have a chance to air our suggestions and concerns. My only request is that each person should have his own office stationary set, from staplers to notepads. It's essential to make work faster by not running off to another desk just to get punched," I said and noted the nods and smiles everwhere. "That's all," I added feeling proud of myself.

Mustafa spoke last. And although I don't understand Arabic, I got the gist of his little speech. The mere mention of "New Horizon", our rival training center, meant that he was broadcasting his big plans for the future. I almost cursed myself for coming up with that stupid office stationary set request.

I said almost. As I looked around, none of the staff was smiling or nodding his head. I got the people's vote for most adorable officemate, yipee! And right then and there, I decided that in future meetings, I'll give any big idea directly to the boss--to whom it will matter most anyway--and air suggestions that will benefit the team on staff meetings.

Today, our accounts guy told me to get the office stuff from the nextdoor bookshop. Without looking away from the computer monitor, I asked him "now?" And he confirmed. So I told him "ok". Two hours later I'm still online. I guess everything's back to normal and running smoothly.OUT

4 responses:

intsik 03 July, 2007  

Hahahaha

ur a romantic, i believe. u r the coolest, to add to that. Let him evacuate japs... hahahahahahahaha

Lee 03 July, 2007  

LMAO!!!!

Your a sincere but romantic? Damn I literally laughed like a retard just there. And wtf...woman are devils? LMAO!!!!

But ye, don't speak to a person who is in need of 'evacuating'...its in their blood. =|

Bien 07 July, 2007  

We all have our share of indulging racism since we are actually coming from different races anyway. However, talking it out loud with someone who even doesn't belong to the same race and at a mature age is ironically an act of immaturity. I wouldn't be surprised if I learned that his mom is still breastfeeding him hehe.

Calling women as devils is so unmanly but not as much as him calling you romantic... LOL! Well, I think I will let it pass. I might just blame it to his limited vocabulary.

In fairness, the kind of respect they give to their moms is adorable.

Hmmm meeting... The word brings me back a lot of wonderful memories. (sigh) Jap, "the journey to a thousand miles begins with a single step" :-) so it was still a good job that you tried requesting more supplies. Simple yet sensible. Hey, suggesting an organizational meeting is more than just a step anyway. I know you can come out of larger ideas next time and hell yeah they'd be surprised. I know it...coz we, ourselves were surprised before. Oh those were the days. ;-)

Ingat!!!

Jap 07 July, 2007  

JOEY, thanks. I did let him evacuate. I swear I heard him fart the second he stepped out the door. hehehe

LEE, I thought you'd know since you are in the faith, isn't it like an agreed thing that the woman is the devil? Just asking. LoL

BIEN, you are right. The guy is a bit immature and yes, you can also blame it on his limited vocabulary. We'll be having our weekly meeting again today, and I'm wearing a tie. I might be suggesting that we get red streaks on our hair next. What do you think? LoL

TUBICLE

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Abre Los Ojos

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Thirtysomething educator who holds the secret to the meaning of life. =P

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