Signs of Impending Depression

>> Tuesday, July 17, 2007

I find myself in the toilet, crouching to wash my hair with the same hosing device used to disintegrate fecal residue on hairy assholes. I spray my hair, careful not to let the nozzle interact with my head as I am sure that a mere millisecond of contact is enough for unworldly organisms to set residence on my scalp and claim my entire head for whatever planet they come from (Uranus is one that comes to mind). I bow to the toilet seat and memorize the stains on the white ceramic and I know that today, the brownish, nutty protrusion on the bottom left side of the bowl is a temporary stain and it is my nature to compulsively spray on it until it comes off, then I can enjoy my Herbal Essences shampoo and wonder if it'll smell as good if used in an upright position.

My morning shower takes about 20 minutes. It takes 30 minutes on days when I find it amusing to sit on the bowl and ponder on whether I should take a shower or not. Interestingly, taking a shower always wins. Dressing up takes around 15 minutes. It takes 30 minutes on days when I find it amusing to sit on my bed and ponder on whether I should wear my socks already or wait for my feet to dry. Interestingly, waiting for my feet to dry always wins. Since I have learned to ignore both the ear-bleeding noise of the construction site next door and the useless murmur of the alarm clock, and I've been having amusing times on the toilet bowl and on my bed, plus the fact that the tie takes me about 5 minutes, I find myself at the office at 8:45 AM instead of the usual 8:00.

I stare at the computer screen, and for some reason, no matter how hard I flex my psychic abilities, it wouldn't work on its own. So I turn it on manually and try communicating with it again using my omnipotent brain. Nothing. So I proceed with the usual password entry and listen to the following standard Windows greeting that somehow echoes in my mind as "Hahaaaaaaaaay". In my head I hear a commotion--voices in panic, wanting to get out and be set free. I gather enough strength to tell each nagging voice to behave and cooperate with me for the rest of the day, promising them that if they do, they will get treats from the grocers nearby.

The time between 8:45AM to 1PM is a blur since I switch to auto-pilot mode and do my daily routine. After which, I go back to my bedroom and have a light snack while intentionally letting crumbs fall off from whatever processed carcinogen-laden food I have to the floor so that the cute light-gray mouse, that has specifically chosen my room to recreate Disneyland, will get cancer. The mouse shows up, I scare it away and I take a nap.

When I wake up, I freshen up quickly and go to lunch. The desert heat has effectively eliminated my restaurant choices and I settle for what's available beside our building. I order my food and sit at the same table. I try communicating with my meal, instructing it not to participate in any reverse osmosis organized by the revolting Gastric Union that might ensue in the next few minutes. I survive the coup attempt at lunch and proceed to the grocers to fulfill my promises to the voices in my head.

One of the voices picks a liter of juice, another picks a sweet treat, another voice picks a wafer. Curiously, the voice with the wafer also buys mobile phone load. I find out later that the load is put to waste as text messages, that were sent out, rarely got replies.

I spend the rest of the night in front of the computer alternating between work and personal stuff. For each email for my boss, I refresh my blog in the hopes that a new message or comment will surface. I count the time difference and reason that most people I know would be sleeping at the time but five minutes later I refresh again, positive that at least one might be awake. No one.

I go up to my room at midnight, have a light snack again and read a chapter or two from a book which I try to stretch the reading until the end of the month when I can afford to buy another one. Then, I switch off the light and put on Mandalay, the same CD I listen to every night to lull me to sleep because it is soothing as it is depressing. Just when "Missing You" reaches its chorus, I feel like crying. Then I hear a faint rustling. I focus my attention to this rustling sound and confirm that it's the mouse.

I fall asleep while thinking of strategies on how to gid rid of the mouse. Tomorrow, I will trap that mouse and torture it the same way it has tortured me. Tomorrow, I will grab it by its tail and laugh at it and smash it until I see its cute eyes comically dangling on its tiny nerves. Then, tomorrow, I will flush its remains down the toilet bowl, and should there be bits sticking on the ceramic, I will compulsively spray on it until it comes off clean because it is my nature.
OUT

25 responses:

Anonymous 17 July, 2007  

bdayboi: nababaliw! hehehe. nagkataon na murag kaperahas ta na "emo" mode. tsk tsk. "just think of happy thoughts" spelling check. hihih. miss u jap!

Jap 17 July, 2007  

Happy birthday, Van. Miss you too. =(

Annamanila 17 July, 2007  

Awww .. this takes some reading but interesting, lyrical style. You made bathroom rituals seem almost philosophical. haha What's clockword orange. It sounds intriguing.

I do that too at work -- check on comments in between small chunks of official work. It is sugar that makes my medicine go down. :)

Jap 17 July, 2007  

hi anna, thanks for reading, although you caught me in a bad time, I don't usually sound this way but sometimes I try a different style, must be the blues.

A Clockwork Orange is a mechanical human (orangutan). It's one of my favorite films directed by Stanley Kubrick and based on the novel by Anthony Burgess.

I guess I'm not the only one stalking comments =) signs of blog addiction hehehe

hani 17 July, 2007  

when are you going to get the mouse trap,and place a piece of cheese over the trap as a bait?

Jap 17 July, 2007  

LoL@Hani. As soon as I get the chance to go to Carrefour hehehe for now, I have to make do with scare tactics like throwing rubberized and plastic-based materials to my cute fiend.

I doubt if the piece of cheese will work though. I have a pack of cheese and a can of nuts in my room and the mouse insisted on gnawing on the plastic cover of the nuts can instead of the easily accessible cheese box. I guess this mouse is more Arab than French =)

Odette 18 July, 2007  

teaheeeheee... miss tka... makaon bya na mouse...nakz! haha... Tama c van, just think of happy thoughts owies... Oiesst, Happy2x van!!!late... nakz! Luv u both... ingatz! =)

Gypsy 18 July, 2007  

Hehe...maybe your mouse is waiting for his turn to use your computer and refresh his blog!!! Hehe.

Jap 18 July, 2007  

ODETTE, glad to know you're still alive =) makaon lagi ang mouse, lami gani sa siopao hehehe yup, i'm always thinking of happy thoughts mao na mura na ko'g buang hehehe. Miz u too lola =) hope you're ok.

GYPSY, hehehe I never thought of that. Now that you've mentioned it, maybe its latest entry is about this sadistic human who has lots of food but doesn't want to share hehehe

slim whale 18 July, 2007  

good thing I'm bald, i don't have to place the spray ten meters away from my scalp. not too many hair rituals, too.

oh yes, the drudgery of daily existence. this is, indeed, so depressing, but somehow, there seems to be some glow somewhere, i can't pinpoint where exactly.

must be the words.

Jap 18 July, 2007  

Must be my inner rainbow, slim =)

zherwin 19 July, 2007  

what if the remains of the mouse clogged the flush? more torture to come, and maybe the stains in the ceramics will take a longer time to vanish.

hehe, long read but it's nice.

are familiar with baygon fly trap? it's a good trap for mouse too (imagine his cute little feet sticking deeply into it as he struggle to get out, torture? yeah). it won't work if the mouse if bigger than the fly trap of course. :)

zherwin 19 July, 2007  

*if the mouse IS bigger, not if bigger *sniggers*

intsik 19 July, 2007  

Japs!

First, the header is really cool. amazing!

Second, this is good work japs. Who was the novelist who got ur attention today, my friend? I agree w/ Annamanila, even the most daily of work becomes an important time in space whne such poetry is accorded.

Very good, japs! Birthday ni cutie van?

Jap 19 July, 2007  

ZHERWIN, I looked everywhere but it seems that the fly paper trap is not available here in Doha. I've used it before back home and I confirm its powers in torturing mice.

However, I found a 'rat glue' that you spread on a piece of cardboard (a DIY fly/mouse trap) and in only a few hours, my mouse problem was solved.

JOEY, muchas gracias. Bret Easton Ellis in Less Than Zero influenced the tone of this piece =) Yup, it was Van's er cutie Van's birthday yesterday hehehe kaw ha, betet diay nimo akong bespren? lol

lee 19 July, 2007  

... :(

There's a mouse in your room? o_0

When you catch it, I wanna witness the torture and stuff plz. Thanks. o_o

Jap 19 July, 2007  

LEE, caught the mouse yesterday, and sorry, I threw it out already. =(

Anonymous 19 July, 2007  

haguia: So i guess im one of those friends from another time zone huh. chukehes na oist,nagapang-abot bitaw ta panagsa.heheh. miz u Japz! and btw,that lil mouse is there to keep u company!!! so stop shooing the poor thing away.;)

Jinoe 20 July, 2007  

Signs that you need to move on, I guess. I have been late for work too often this week. That's not a good sign as well.

Jap 20 July, 2007  

GAE, guilty lagi ka? hehehe Miz you too my gaesha =) Shutay naman ang mickey, don't worry, next time I see one, ipa-DHL jud nako para ma-cuddle nimo hehehe pareho ra ba ta alonely ha =)

JINOE, you are right, time to move on =) I'm late but I do overtime naman. The good and bad thing about our office is that we don't have DTR cards so they can't memo us for being late but we can't also demand for overtime pay =)

Odette 20 July, 2007  

buhi pa man ko wui...mura lang patay...baho2x..nakz! Apo..ingatz lagi huh... Ana lang jud.. smile lang owies...yaw lng pagpakabuang huh...gi lang, if I have time anha ko dwiha.
Meow...Myawnnnnn....Tsup! Chao chao... Mmuahs. I'm alright!2x I'm the queen of this place! Ahahahahaha... And, I can count your hair too...Teaheeeeeeee

Toe 27 July, 2007  

This post is so funny! How could you remember every single detail in the toilet and then blur out the rest of the day? :) Baka you're getting possessed by a desert monster that's why there are times when you don't remember stuff. :)

Jap 28 July, 2007  

ODETTE, lol! cge nga, how many strands of hair do I have? ahaha

TOE, yup, I tend to blur out events when I'm on auto-pilot mode. It's voluntary amnesia. You get all things done and you don't have a memory of doing it except for the first time you did it because that was the only time that it ever mattered. And if you do the same thing every single day, you'll run out of gigabytes trying to store the same memory over and over again =)

rmacapobre 31 July, 2007  

> depression

it helps me when i talk to someone preferably a friend/loved one about it ..

Jap 31 July, 2007  

rmacapobre, yup, talking is good. so is blogging and drinking and partying =) hehehe thanks for dropping by =)

TUBICLE

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